“I thought we were fine,” she said last night in our couples’ session. He contacted me two days ago, wanting to get in to see me before I left for vacation. I had not heard a peep from them in six months. I thought they were fine too. I should have known better. Long-term relationship […]
“I Thought We Were Fine.” Read More »
For better or worse. We promise that. Because life brings the inevitable up and down. Good and bad. Well and sick. It is our human experience. So, we plan ahead and expect that with changing tides, we will stick together and stick it out. And, love between partners is not unconditional. Hate to break it
Do you spew or talk? There is a difference. A big difference. And, it will make a telltale difference in your relationship. A spewer does not internally metabolize feelings before expression. He or she vomits them into public air. Feelings spill out in reactions through grunts, vibes, tone and movement. Think f-bombs. The “look.”
Learn to Talk to Your Partner Read More »
Do you know the difference between a wall and a boundary? Walls are solid and rigid. They keep others out and keep you trapped inside. Boundaries are flexible, changeable and removeable. They can be opened or closed at any given time and with any particular individual. Think a gate with a gatekeeper. That gate has
Are You Building Walls or Setting Boundaries in Your Relationship? Read More »
When it comes to commitment, there are two types: One can commit to the frame. I will not abandon my spouse, my child, my job, etc. until I die. The institution is established and will not falter. I said I would, and I will. Period. End of story. Or, one can commit to the work
Commitment to What? Read More »
“We never fight,” she says with a prideful gloat in her voice. She glances at her husband as if I should be giving them a gold star in marital accomplishment. Conversely, my insides scream, “Oh boy. I’ve got my work cut-out for me here.” Avoiding conflict is not the path nor the goal for a
Is Conflict a Good Thing in a Relationship? Read More »
“It’s not just for kids!” A time out is an emergency break, a rip stop, a circuit breaker that protects your relationship from injury. You utilize it to STOP a runaway train or an interaction before or while it has crossed into escalation. Time outs have one job – to halt a destructive interaction between
The Mighty Time Out Read More »
I am grateful to my mentor, Terry Real, for providing the frame of the information I am about to share with you. I have taken his work and expanded upon it but thanks to his great wisdom, he provides a blueprint to determine our “relational edge” which points to our path of growth toward the
The Four Corners of the Relationship Grid Read More »
I am fascinated of late by the Love Avoider. The neglected one in the crowd. All the attention stolen by the Love Addict. And isn’t that ironic? The Love Avoider has even found a way to hide from that spotlight. Not this time. Got ’em. You get the whole enchilada this month and next. We
The Dangers of Love: Understanding the Love Avoidant and the Fear of Intimacy Read More »
Inadvertently, I had the same conversation with both my teenagers recently. Different circumstances, same theme. My son led with his anger. My daughter with her pain. “This place is not for me!” yelled my son. “I can’t do this,” cried my daughter, a box of tissues emptied beside her, the dirty ones crinkled in a
