We are infinite onions, ready to be peeled, known, and understood. Layer #1: Cocktail Party Conversation. “Hi! How are you?” “Good. And you?” “Good.” “Great. Good to see you.” “You too. Have a great day!” And on we travel through our day. No personal information is revealed. No impact has been made on either party. […]
The Layers of Progressive Emotional Communication Read More »
One of the three necessities for a healthy relationship is emotional regulation. When one is being triggered into an escalated state of fight, flight, freeze or fix, one is not capable of being relational. In fact, when one’s amygdala has taken over due to a perceived or real threat, one is anti-relational. It is all –
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One of the many reasons I love doing couples therapy is that I get to meet many “therapy virgins.” Folks that have never darkened the door of a therapist’s office because they never knew they needed to. And here they come. Begrudgingly, of course. Being dragged by a partner that is not happy with how
“Me too!” my curly-haired daughter and I yelled in unison while reading the silly cardboard book we picked up at the elementary school book sale. It was too fun not to scream it loudly. Besides, we wanted to make her brother laugh across the hall. It was our nightly comedy routine, at least in that
“You doing okay?” How many times do we hear that? How many times do we ask that? The only time that question is appropriate is in the service industry. Your wait staff at your favorite restaurant can ask that. The flight attendant on a long flight (no longer a domestic one) can ask that. The
Extending Beyond Okay Read More »
“When you coming home, Dad? I don’t know when. But we’ll get together then, Dad. I know we’ll have a good time then.” – Cat’s in the Cradle, Song by Harry Chapin Time – our most precious commodity. Brene Brown goes so far as to say that love is spelled t-i-m-e. How we spend our
“But she might never change?” said the downtrodden husband on my new white couch. I could feel his heart break from the required six feet across the room. I so wish I had better news for him. “70/20/10,” I responded. Understandably, he gave me a look that matched my nonsensical response. I went on
A “happy marriage” is a capitalistic concept. It sells expensive engagement rings and throws lavish weddings. But it sets up a bright-eyed couple for a disappointing and harsh fall that many never rebound. Rather, at best, marriage is secure and satisfying. The benefits outweigh the cost. It enhances the individual lives of the partners as
The Full-Range Marriage Read More »
“How come we always talk about her frustrations?” he said yesterday in a couple’s session. “Have you told her you were frustrated?” I asked. He looked dumbfounded. I turned to his wife. “When was the last time he came to you and asked if you were available to talk? ”She said maybe once in the
It’s not sexy or romantic. You can’t place them in a box or wrap them in a silky bow. But they are the essential ingredients to making a partnership both work and thrive. A relationship for the ages. One you deserve. One that creates a legacy for generations to follow. Let’s do this. First, self-regulation
Three Ingredients for a Successful Relationship Read More »
